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Every spring, for me, is a moment of rebirth and new beginnings. I wake up like a bear emerging from winter hibernation. In March, I slowly regain my energy and return to life. Spring is always a time when I clear out unnecessary things from my life, clean up, and make space for the new. While cleaning, I found my old diaries.
In 2012, I came to the UK with dreams of a happy family. I dreamed of a fulfilling job, a house full of rescued animals, and the freedom to travel. But reality hit me hard. I became a single parent. I worked an exhausting night shift job that I hated. Those were really dark times. I remember the feeling of injustice, disappointment, sadness, and loneliness. I had to pay for a babysitter so I could work. There were no grandparents to help, as my parents were in Poland. I only got two hours of sleep between night shifts and was constantly tired. I remember feeling helpless, and there were evenings when I screamed into my pillow out of frustration that my life had turned out this way.
Having a child is a decision made by two people, but I was left to handle all of motherhood on my own. Victoria’s father decided to build his life without his child. He cut himself off from all responsibility and disappeared from our lives. I knew I had to be both a mom and a dad for Victoria. I used to look at complete families and cry at the sight of a dad with his children at the playground.
Today, 13 years have passed. My daughter, Victoria, is now 11 years old. Years of single motherhood, lack of sleep, chronic stress, and an irregular lifestyle have taken their toll on me, and I now suffer from bipolar disorder. But today, I am stronger. Once I realized that I didn’t need to wait for someone else to rescue me or make me happy, I understood that I am enough, and our small family is enough. I began to create our own magical world. My daughter and I built our dream life together.
Victoria has grown into a responsible, empathetic, and caring person. We are best friends, always supporting one another. She is, and always has been, my motivation. There are still difficult moments, though, with my episodes of depression, but she always pushes me forward, hugs me, and tells me that everything will be alright. She is my strength and gives me the energy to get up every single day and keep fighting.
Now, at 33 years old, reading my old diaries, I see how hard the journey was for us to get to the life we have now. Everything we dreamed of has come true. I love my job and have found happiness working with children. I run art classes for kids, which gives me a sense of fulfillment. Of course, my daughter is my assistant and helps me because she loves art and crafts as well. Our house is full of animals, which we love. My small family includes Victoria, me, a pug named Bulma, a Labrador named Freya, a cat named Molly, rats named Teodor and Spekie, parrots Chichi and Loki, a chameleon named Ezekiel, a bearded dragon named Jason, and three chickens named Matilda, Daisy, and Ursula. Victoria loves horses and goes horse riding. It used to seem unrealistic for us, as I didn’t have a driving license and we were always short on money. Now, we’ve swapped our bicycles for a car, and we can finally go horse riding and travel.
I watch Victoria ride horses, and I am proud of how we have arranged our lives. I love my daughter and the world I have created for her. When I see her joy and the wonderful person she is becoming, I feel filled with pride and peace. Our life is sometimes chaotic, but always filled with love, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I know many women who are now in the place I once was. They are tired and trying their best to create a good life for their children. Remember, a happy mom means a happy child. When we take care of ourselves and try to be the best version of ourselves, our children will take example from us. Remember, dear moms, that we are the creators of our lives. Let’s not be afraid to dream, because dreams come true. Motherhood is the hardest, but also the most incredible journey. After a storm, the sun will always shine again!
